


Words I Can Never Forget

by letmintwrite



Category: Naruto
Genre: Angst, Gen, Naruto Modern School AU, Sand Siblings-centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-01
Updated: 2017-09-01
Packaged: 2018-12-22 09:34:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 11,158
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11964648
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/letmintwrite/pseuds/letmintwrite
Summary: They were nothing but mindless children living in a merciless world of reality. Temari, Kankuro and Gaara were nothing but normal children that had suffered too much in this harsh world, armed with nothing but the words and promises they can never forget





	1. Promise Me

**Author's Note:**

> angst runs in my blood im sorry. This story takes place in the Naruto Modern School AU (@letmintdraw in Tumblr for more information)

Temari was just a year old when she first became a big sister.

Her mother, evident tears drying up on her cheeks, happily told the little blonde that she was going to have a little brother. Excitement sprung up inside Temari instantly as she jumped and hugged her mother. Rasa was there too, planting happy kisses to Karura, wanting to thank his wife for the wonderful gift she had given them. That day was just filled with bliss and lots of hugs. Temari wouldn’t leave her mother’s side and would often lay her head on her mother’s belly, trying to pick up and small sounds that her baby brother would make. There were none, but she never grew tired doing so.

“Do you think I’ll be a great big sister, mommy?” her innocent sea-green eyes asks as she met her mother’s purple orbs. A smile was her mother’s only reply before a confident nod.

“Yes, Temari.” Karura replies with a warm smile. “I’m very sure that you will be a great big sister.”

Temari vividly remembered the months that passed by and the special day that finally dawned on them- the day her baby brother would finally arrive. The day consisted of long hours of waiting outside her mother’s room, impatient hands twiddling and excited little runs here and there. Rasa accompanied her while his wife was delivering the baby. When the waiting game was finally over, Temari wasted no time to dart inside the room, her eyes reflecting excitement. Her eyes immediately fell onto her tired mother, cradling what seems to be a little bundle in her arms.

Karura had sensed her husband and daughter rushing inside the room. A worried Rasa immediately went to aid his tired wife, kissing her forehead happily as he saw the little infant beside her. “You did well, Karura.” he whispered, joy laced in his hushed voice. Karura could only nod and giggle as she laid her exhausted eyes onto their son.

“He looks so much like you, Rasa.” she says softly, her slender finger gliding on the young one’s cheeks.

Temari, being nothing but a small girl, was jumping up and down, eager to see her brother. Rasa immediately understood this and picked their daughter up, granting her a full view of the scene before them. Her sea green eyes found their way to the younger, a wide grin immediately forming on her lips.

“Temari,” Karura calls out as she presents their son to her, “This is Kankuro. Say hello to him.”

Her young mind could barely comprehend what she was feeling. Warm, comforting feelings were blooming inside her as she stretched her tiny arms towards Kankuro. He was so small, smaller than she is. The way she slept so soundly and curled in his mother’s touch made Temari melt.

“Hi there,” Temari coos, “I’m your big sister, Temari. Nice to meet you, Kankuro.”

 

With just a year apart from each other, Temari and Kankuro grew incredibly close. The little blonde girl played the role of a big sister perfectly: she played with Kankuro, fed him, watched over him, praised him, taught him things, and so many more. For her young age, she was already so responsible- so __mature.__ Kankuro, on the other side, had Temari as his role model. She was the best person for him, next to his mother and father. She was his heroine, his idol- the greatest person.

She was his big sister.

Karura and Rasa didn’t have any trouble with entrusting Temari to watch over little Kankuro. They both knew how their daughter was already so watchful and responsible. Even with the idea that Kankuro was sickly like their mother, they didn’t worry about a thing. Their uncle, Yashamaru, even found it surprising that Temari would immediately run towards her brother even if so little just coughed or sneezed.

“You really love your little brother,” Yashamaru once stated, crouching down to pat Temari’s head.

“Of course I do.” Temari snickered as her small hands runs through Kankuro’s brown hair. Three years old, and she was already the best big sister- the most responsible child, the loving big sister, the astounding niece. Her smile was warm as she laid her eyes down to a sleeping Kankuro, laying on her lap. “I’m his big sister.”

 

 

Temari was four and Kankuro was three when Rasa came rushing in their room one morning. She had barely woken up yet and Kankuro was simply playing with a few toys he was given by their parents. Based on how their father looked, he was ecstatic. His big arms pulled the two into a tight hug, only to stop when Kankuro squealed that he couldn’t breathe.

“You’re going to be a big sister and a big brother,” just a few words was enough to wake Temari up and Kankuro scream in joy. The siblings hugged their father tightly before hugging each other twice as tight, squealing out of excitement. Those words made the two jump here and there, Karura entered the room not a bit later and the two immediately tackled their mother into a hug. The four were a laughing mess, hugging each other and hugging each other contently.

“I’m gonna be a big brother!” little Kankuro proudly cries out, a wide grin identical to their mother and his sister patched on his face. “A big brother!”

“And I’m gonna be a big sister again!” she squealed in joy. “A big sister again!”

Boy, they couldn’t wait.

Temari and Kankuro would spend the next few months beside their mother, watching her belly swell up and assisting her here and there. Temari would often explain to Kankuro why they had to help their mother, why they need to be careful around her, and why they shouldn’t stress her out so much. Kankuro, too young to understand, simply followed her sister’s doings, imitating how she held onto their mother whenever they walked, or offering a bowl of fruits to their mother during her “cravings”.

“I think your brother just kicked.” Karura says one time. Upon hearing so, the two rushed towards her, excitedly placing their hands on her belly.

“He did!” Kankuro laughed as he felt a slight thud from their mother’s belly. “Hi there, bro! I’m your big bro and this is your big sis!” Kankuro was always like this, talking to the little one whenever he had a chance.

“Do you have a name for him, mommy?” Temari asks, curious eyes looking up at her. Karura paused for a while as two pairs of eyes, one sea-green ones and the other, dark brown ones, as she thought. A smile soon emerged as she nods, patting her children’s head.

“Gaara.” she says. “He will be someone who will learn to love himself, yet not disregard others while doing so.”

“Gaara,” hummed Temari, “It’s a nice name.”

“Yeah!” Kankuro repeats, grinning widely. “Gaara sounds awesome!”

Karura simply smiles as she coughs softly, holding her two children close to her. This was the perfect time for them. Just silence and the time passed through hugging and giggling over the smallest, most subtle things.

 

 

Temari and Kankuro were fetched by Yashamaru one evening. They were playing at that time when a panic-ridden uncle crashed in their room, his voice filled with worry and fear. “Dress up immediately,” Yashamaru instructed as he rushed near the two.

“Where are we going?” curious as he ever was, Kankuro asks.

“To your mother.” he simply says as he grabs some clean sets of clothes and a bag. “Hurry now, no time to waste.”

“Is she okay? Where is she?” Temari asks as she tends on changing Kankuro. “Where’s daddy? Are you okay, uncle?”

Yashamaru didn’t reply immediately, and was even frozen for a brief moment, before he looks at Temari, the same purple eyes he shared with the two’s mother meeting the younger’s sea green ones. Temari wasn’t dense and as clueless as her younger brother, and she immediately understood what those eyes reflected.

“Is mommy okay?” her voice was now soft and worried, her once busy hands stopping. “Uncle Yashamaru, is mommy okay?”

“Your mommy,” Yashamaru softly began. “Is having Gaara tonight. She’s in the hospital now. Your baby brother is coming.”

 

 

Hands holding each other tightly, Temari and Kankuro darted ahead of Yashamaru once they were in the hospital. The older was able to maneuver the place, being here almost everyday when their mother has her daily check-ups. Yashamaru was able to catch up almost as soon as he can, and lead the two children to where their mother is.

Rasa was outside, prancing anxiously, when he saw three familiar faces approaching. “Daddy!” Temari and Kankuro cries out as they flew towards their father’s arms. “Daddy, where’s mommy?” Temari asks as she looks at their father.

“She’s delivering Gaara.” Rasa simply states, traces of fear and worry evident in his deep voice.

“Gaara’s coming?” Kankuro excitedly gasps. “Temari, Gaara’s coming!”

“No, that’s not good.” Temari explains. “Gaara isn’t suppose to come for another two months, Kankuro.” her eyes flew to her father, seeking for answers. “Right, daddy? Why is he coming earlier?”

Rasa was at loss of words when a woman Temari notices as a doctor comes out of the room. Yashamaru immediately rushed towards her, and Rasa had to tell Temari and Kankuro to stay put as he approached the doctor as well. They were talking and a few foreign words flew here and there. The door was left ajar and Kankuro immediately notices their mother, laying on a bed.

“Mommy!” Kankuro cries out, letting go of Temari’s hand as he runs inside. Temari gasps and runs after her little brother, the adults immediately recognizing this and had helplessly tried to catch them.

It was too late as the children were finally inside, the scene horrifying the two young ones.

“Mommy,” Temari weakly calls out, the sight of her mother slowly growing pale unfolded before them. Her chest was heaving, the tall nurses blocking most of their view. “Mommy! Mommy, are you okay?”

Karura was still conscious as she turned her head around, seeing her little children before her own brother and her husband. A tired smile was on her face, her brown hair a nest of a mess. Her weak hands reached out for Rasa, who immediately held her.

“Are you okay?” Rasa asks worriedly.

“I’m fine,” Karura huffed. “Where’s Temari and Kankuro?”

The two children waved and were capable of seeing their mother clearly now using two stools. Kankuro was excited while Temari was ridden with worry. “Mommy, is it true? Gaara’s here?” Kankuro asks. Karura wasn’t able to immediately answer with a nod, and that’s where the two felt something was wrong.

The nurses were panicking, and the doctor had immediately rushed to aid them. The baby was yet to be handed to Karura despite her pleas. A worried Temari tried to look over the group of nurses and she heard something what she wishes she didn’t hear.

“The baby’s not breathing!”

“Temari, Kankuro,” she hears next. It was her mother, breathing heavily. Her cold hands held their small cheeks, a soft smile still patched on her face. “I want both of you to listen to me, okay?”

“Mommy should rest.” little Kankuro insists. “You look tired.

“Listen to me first,” their mother pleaded. “Your baby brother… is weak. He’s tiny and needs lots of caring and attention. I want both of you to take good care of him, okay?”

Temari felt tears forming on her eyes. Her small hands held onto their mother’s hand as she pleads. “Mommy, take a rest first. We can talk after you rest.”

“There’s no time.” Three words and the two young ones felt their stomach sink. “I want you two to promise me something.”

Karura turns to Kankuro and holds his tiny hands. “Kankuro, sweetie. My brave little soldier.” she calls out, “You’re a big brother at last, Kankuro. I want you to promise me that you’ll be the best big brother out there, okay? Protect your siblings, be brave yet be loving. Be smart and evaluate every situation first before acting. But never be afraid to feel fear and fail- it will make you stronger.” Kankuro felt fear with the way their mother spoke. It was… different and scary. He wanted her mother to stop, yet no words came to form.

“And Temari,” Karura calls out to their eldest. “My precious Temari, my beautiful daughter. I’m sorry to leave such a big burden to you. Please, take good care of your little brothers. Be the responsible girl you always were.” Temari listened carefully, nodding her head as their mother tried to form words to the best she can. “Be loving, be caring, be brave as well. Don’t let anyone look down on you just because you’re a girl. You’ll grow into a fine lady, I just know it.”

“Lastly,” she breathed out despite the chaos happening in the room. “Be there for each other. Just because Temari is the older one doesn’t mean Kankuro can’t help. Support one another.”

Temari felt tears fall down to her cheeks and she could hear Kankuro pleading their mother to stop talking. Something felt wrong, and the way their mother talked weaker by each second scared them. They wanted her to stop and rest.

“My precious Gaara,” she breathes out, her head turning to the crowd of nurses attempting to save the baby. “I’m sorry that I can’t help you anymore. But I’ll always be there for you. Grow strong. Learn how to love yourself and love others twice as much.” she smiles weakly before huffing. “You have two amazing older siblings to help you.”

Rasa was now beside Karura, crying and begging his wife to stay strong. Yashamaru attempted to tear away the children from their mother, but that made Kankuro scream wildly and Temari wail loudly.

 

“Promise me,” Karura’s voice was soft and breaking, her breathing deep and weak, as if trying to grasp onto any little strength she was left with. Purple eyes that showed the tiniest glint of remaining life were fighting to be kept open, wanting to spare one last look at the young children beside her.

Cold hands grasped tightly onto two smaller ones. Her smile was faint- __weak__ , yet still warm and loving. She slowly couldn’t hear anything anymore; her vision slowly blurring away. With her last bit of strength, she breathed out.

“Promise me, you’ll take good care of Gaara.”

The machine beeped loudly and a loud cry of an infant surfaced the room. Karura’s hand felt lifeless on the bedside the same time Gaara finally took his first breath. Rasa broke down, Yashamaru fell into shock and the two children helplessly cried out for their dead mother.

 

Temari was only four and Kankuro was only three when they became a big sister again and a big brother to little Gaara. They were nothing but children alone when the world dawned to them the harsh reality of life, armed only with the promises and words that they can never forget

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harsh reality dawns in after Karura passes away, and it was nothing the three siblings had ever imagined.

 

Temari was six and Kankuro was five. It’s been almost two years since their mother had left them and their family, drastically changed. It wasn’t just the arrival of their youngest brother, Gaara, that had altered their family.

Their father, Rasa, has become a workaholic, barely even coming home and if he does, he was always stressed out and angry. Yashamaru rarely played with them anymore, and was tasked by their father himself to tend onto Gaara alone.

There’s a new guy, their father’s friend, who took the role of watching over Temari and Kankuro- a guy calling himself Baki. He was strict and rarely even entertained the siblings. All he did was simply watch over them and make sure they weren’t up to any troubles.

The house was a lot more quiet than usual. Temari and Kankuro would drown themselves in games and toys to ignore the painful silence that shrouded their big home.

Gaara was now two years old, able to walk and talk, yet he was small and frail. He wasn’t sickly like their late mother and Kankuro, but he looked like he’d break if he falls down. Perhaps it was because of their mother’s dead during his birth that Rasa found him irritating, to the point that he refused to claim him as his “son”. Constantly blamed for his wife’s death, Gaara was instructed to be raised by Yashamaru in the same house, but away from his own sister and brother. Thus, he grew distant from Temari and Kankuro, barely even seeing them and barely even spending time with them.

Yashamaru was against this, and at some times, when both Baki and Rasa weren’t really there, he’d slip Gaara to play with Temari and Kankuro. However, the shy red hair and the awkwardness he shared with his siblings made it more difficult to do.

“Yashamaru,” Gaara babbled as he tugs onto his uncle’s sleeve. “Why does father hate me?”

Yashmaru paused before he tried to put the answer in simple words little Gaara could comprehend. “I’m sure you father doesn’t really hate you. He’s just… upset that your mother died years ago.”

“Because of me?”

Taken back, Yashamaru wasn’t able to respond. For a toddler, Gaara was already aware of things like “hate”, “death”, “anger”, “isolation”, and many more. It was like looking at Temari… yet worse. He was immature, but he was already too aware of the harsh realities of the world. “How about Temari and Kankuro? Do they hate me?”

“They don’t.” Yashsmaru states as he pats the young one’s head. “If anything, they love you with all their heart.”

“Even if I killed our mother-”

“You didn’t kill your mother, Gaara.” Yashamaru cleared out, cutting the red hair’s words. “Remember that.”

All the little one can do was nod as he hugged his teddy bear, a little gift their late mother had left him with. Yashamaru says that Karura had got it before he was even born, and that was enough for Gaara to treasure it.

 

 

Temari was eight, Kankuro was seven, and Gaara was just four when they all learned and understood what the family business was- __mafia.__ Their father, whom Temari and Kankuro had grown to love and respect, ****was a killer****. All this time, the two only knew of their company business, but darker things started to emerge as they grew older.

The three were having their dinner, one of the few occasions that the three could be gathered together and see each other. Temari notes how Gaara’s hair was getting a bit shaggy, while Kankuro notes how Gaara’s eyes were so baggy- probably due to lack of sleep. Gaara on the other side notes how his older sister still wears that same double pig-tail hair style and how Kankuro still has that spiky, dark brown hair left to be untended.

Rasa soon joins the picture along with Baki. Keen sea-green eyes observed how Baki’s backside had an evident stain of blood, and Kankuro doesn’t fail to notice how their father __(father, how we’ve always respected you)__  held a gun as if it was nothing. “Daddy,” Temari tries to sound calm. “Why are you like that? Did you get into a fight?”

Rasa doesn’t respond, instead, Baki does.

“Some bastards didn’t obey your father, that’s what.” he cooly states. “Got his head blown off into bits.” followed by a gesture of someone being shot in the head.

Yashamaru didn’t hesitate to jump up and shout at Baki, stating that these were kids ( _ _clueless to the harsh world they were born in)__  he was talking to. His voice was raised, and that’s when Baki pulled out a gun, threatening to blow Yashamaru’s head if he didn’t shut up. Gaara remembers Temari screaming in fear and shock, Kankuro using himself as a body shield to his older sister. __(protect my sister, I must protect my sister! It’s okay, Temari, I’m here.)__  

“Baki,” Rasa’s cold, monotonous voice calls out, silencing the whole room without difficulty. “Do not forget that Yashamaru is still your superior. He is my wife’s brother, and I vowed to not let anything happen to him.”

A click of a tongue and Baki had pulled his gun back to where it came from. Temari was shaking and Gaara couldn’t believe what Baki had just done. “Daddy,” Kankuro calls out weakly. “Daddy, what did you? What’s going on? Did you-” he stops. His young mind couldn’t comprehend anything that was going on. Everything was playing so fast. “Did you… __kill__  someone?” __(he wouldn’t. daddy isn’t like that. He never kills anyone- he’ll never kill anyone)__

“I have to, and soon, the three of you will as well.” that was the only response Rasa gave them before he and Baki exists the room. The dinner table was quiet and was painted with fear and shock. Yashamaru tried to calm a shaking Temari and explain to the children what was happening.

“Yashamaru,” Gaara calls out, monotonously and almost abnormally identical to the way their father spoke. Chills ran up and down of Yashamaru’s spine as he slowly turns around to Gaara. “Are we… killers too?”

“Gaara-”

“Because father is a killer. Does that make us killers too?”

“No, Gaara. You’re not.”

“Then, are we going to become killers?”

Dinner was over and Gaara’s question was left unanswered as Temari and Kankuro were ushered by a new family maids to their room, Yashamaru escorting Gaara to his own.

 

 

 ** **Killers.****  Blood.

Temari was ten, Kankuro was nine, and Gaara was six. They were slowly growing and understanding what their family was. A father who mercilessly kills, a trigger-happy guardian, and an uncle that seals away any other dark secrets the family has.

Temari continues to wonder as she watches a gun being drawn by Baki to how she never noticed this kind of lifestyle. Back then, when their mother was alive, everything was beautiful and perfect. They smiled, laughed, hugged, went to different places together, ate together, slept together- and now, she couldn’t even look at her father without feeling fear. ( _ _father, where did it go wrong?)__

Kankuro stopped addressing Temari as “big sister” and started referring to her as simply “Temari”. Gaara was growing cold, like their father. She didn’t want to admit it, but their youngest started to look __frightening__. It was like staring into someone else.

Maybe everything __was__  just a beautiful lie, up until now.

“As you all know, I’m instructed by your father to start giving you lessons about defense.” Baki explains. Aside from the three being home schooled by the best-among-the-best tutors, Rasa made sure that his children _ _,__ even Gaara, were knowledgeable with self-defense. They were children of a mafia leader, and who knows when enemies could start targeting them. It was best that he play safe, even if it was at the cost of ripping the three of their innocence and childhood.

“Now, here’s something you should remember in the world we all live in,” Baki stated. “ ** **There is no such thing as family.**** ”

Kankuro found a lump on his throat upon hearing that. Eversince their mother died, he had vowed to protect Temari, even if were his life on the line. Temari felt her lungs contract, not wanting to let the words sink in. Gaara stood there, blank and somewhat attentive. “If your ‘family’ aims a gun to your head, you shouldn’t hesitate to blow theirs first. Your life before other’s.”

 _ _Your life before yours__. “It’s a dog-eat-dog world out there, and y’should learn this as early as now.”

 

 

“Uncle, I don’t want this kind of life.” Temari sobbed one night in her uncle’s arms. Yashamaru was the closest remnant of their late mother, and somehow, he radiated the same comfort she had back then. “It’s scary, daddy’s scary, everything’s scary. I don’t think I can do this.”

“Temari, sweetie, be brave.” Yashamaru reminded. “Didn’t your mother say so? You’re a big sister, and your little brothers still look up to you.”

Big sister.

Temari closed her eyes and took a deep breath afterwards. Her uncle was right. She is still a big sister.

 

Temari was ten and Kankuro was nine when they heard a loud gunshot within the house. They were upstairs, their study session finished and their self-defense lessons approaching in just two hours. “It came from the living room.” Kankuro stated as he and Temari darted out of their room.

How they wished they didn’t.

Laying on the beige carpet was their beloved uncle Yashamaru, __lifeless__  ( _ _this can’t be happening-)__  and bathing in his own blood. His shirt was stained in crimson blood, a bullet seemingly had passed and hit him straight in the heart. Temari felt like vomiting and Kankuro, collapsing. They both felt sick.

But what haunted them more, what scared them more, what they couldn’t accept, was the wielder of the gun.

“Gaara,” Kankuro shakily breathed out. “Gaara, what have you done.”

Baki was beside the young red-haired boy, seemingly unwavered by the sight before them. “He was too noisy. He’d be a threat for this family if he gets out.” A six-years old boy, stating such horrid words, was the worst nightmare they could get.

Temari screamed, Kankuro desperately tried to shield Temari, and Rasa came rushing in just a few minutes. The scene of Yashamaru laying lifeless made their father snap.

“Gaara, what have you done?!” Rasa screams as he grabs the young boy, forcefully dropping the gun and dragging him out of the room. Gaara’s senses seemed to have returned afterwards as he started violently squirming, screaming for forgiveness and how he didn’t mean it. He was crying, apologizing to the dead Yashamaru and to his siblings, begging that their father would let him go.

Temari and Kankuro were still beyond words, crying and shaking. Baki simply knelt down and placed his huge hands onto their shoulders. “I told you so,” he spoke. “There is no such thing as family. See how your brother mercilessly shot your bastard of an uncle?”

The two siblings left could never forget how Baki looked at them ever so coldly and emotionlessly.

“That’s how both of you should be.”

The night was silent that day, and the body of Yashamaru was disposed secretly by Rasa’s men with his orders. It was to avoid any issues with Karura and Yashamaru’s family side. Rasa had already lost Karura, and now, Yashamaru.

All because of Gaara. ( _ _it’s his fault. His fault that everything’s going berserk. His fault that this family is dyed with chaos!)__

“I didn’t mean it, father, I swear!” Gaara helplessly tried to explain. “I- Yashamaru, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it, I promise! I didn’t want to kill him!”

“But you still did.” Rasa answers back. “Gaara. A self-loving demon. Your mother named you accordingly.” Gaara was frozen now as his father looked a lot bigger than usual. He was a monster __(like I am. I’m a monster now, amn’t I?)__  and the way his eyes shone with anger made Gaara shiver. “Love. The one thing that you can never achieve in your whole life. The one thing you can never gain no matter what you do.”

Gaara shook wildly. “Please, father-”

“This will be a reminder that love will be nothing but a word that will forever hurt and be unreachable for you. It will always haunt you until you break.”

The next day, Temari and Kankuro were speechless. Gaara came out of his room, lifeless and cold and bloody. On his pale forehead was a character etched forcefully yet precisely. ****Love****.

 

Temari was ten, Kankuro was nine, and Gaara was six. They were now presented with the horrible world they live in. A world filled with nothing but monsters and harsh realities. They had to survive even if they had to grab onto dangerous things.

Holding a gun on her hand, Temari took a deep breath and fired the gun. The bullet went straight to the older man’s head, making him die almost immediately.

“Bull’s eye.” Kankuro stated in a joking manner, Temari’s sea green eyes meeting his dark brown irises. “You’re getting better at aiming, Temari.”

“And you aren’t.” Temari sighed. “Honestly, if it weren’t for your brains and genius tactics, you’d be dead a long time ago.”

Kankuro could only laugh as he nudged his sister. “ ** **You****  wouldn’t let that happen though, would ‘ya?”

There is no such thing as family. Baki always told them that.

“You know me too well.” Temari snickered. Even if the gods told her so, she’d have to die first before anyone lays a hand on her siblings. Even Gaara, whom he promised to protect. He was distant and a prodigy for a killer, not even blinking when he robs someone of their life. He was only six, a ****child**** , who wielded a gun and shot without hesitation.

“Gaara,” Temari calls out to their youngest brother. These were one of the time they could be all together. “Let’s go home now, father’ll be upset if we’re home late again.”

Cold teal eyes met her sea green ones. She was still taken back when she meets them, but she had to remind herself of one thing: this was still their brother. “Okay.” a simple response from Gaara before he begins walking, his older siblings behind him.

 

 

Temari was twelve, Kankuro was eleven and Gaara was eight. They had blossomed into cold-blooded killers, even trusted by their father Rasa to be taken alongside ruthless missions. They wielded a gun ever so smoothly, fired without hesitation, and __killed__  upon orders. __(if you want to survive, eradicate those who threaten your chances to do so)__.

It was still surreal to think that this was the life they were born into- the bitter truth that hid behind that once perfect and beautiful lie. Temari and Kankuro still wished that they were trapped in that said lie, but this was the real world.

They had to fight if they want to live; kiill if they want to breathe another breath.

Temari had bloomed into the beautiful yet deadly daughter __(a perfect candidate for the family business. The ever-so perfect daughter)__  of Rasa. Kankuro wielded the brains and that made up for his poor health __(he’s a genius, none of his plans had failed. The astounding second child).__ Gaara was the ruthless one, the brawl among the three, the one who took after their father the most. __(little red monster, hands dyed in thick blood.)__.

They had become killers- no, something much more.

****Monsters.** **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just to be clear, yes, the sand siblings are from a mafia family here. I'm not really sure how those kinds of families work, but I tried to be as precise as possible.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They were growing, and the words they vowed to never forget were starting to fade and be forgotten. Family was now a mere word and the house has grown silent and deadly

“You look so much like your mother, Temari.”

It was the middle of the night and Temari had been startled awake by a painful memory in the image of a dream. It was her father, still happy, still loving, still __human__. Her hand clutched her chest as she heaved heavily, her chest rising and cold sweat secreted.

It was normal to wake up from a nightmare now.

 _ _(but why does it feel like even the real world is still one huge nightmare?__ )

 

 

Rasa has always been angry and easily irritated eversince Karura passed away. He didn’t hesitate to hit Kankuro and Gaara when they pissed him off. It was always a slap, or a kick or anything else. Temari knew that his father had become a violent, abusive man.

The love she had for him diminished with each abusive action he gave her brothers.

However, Temari was so helpless and couldn’t bring herself to hurt her father. He was still his dad- the same man who hugged her and helped her see a baby Kankuro that one time. The same father who wiped her tears and tended her wounds whenever she tripped and fell.

He was still her father.

“I told you not to bother father while he was working, didn’t I?” Temari sighed as she tended on Kankuro’s bruises and wounds. He gained a new wound today, just on his lower lip. Rasa had hit him too hard that Kankuro accidentally bit his lip too hard and got cut.

“I didn’t kow he was busy!” Kankuro argued. “He was just sitting in his office all pretty and dandy, how the heck was I supposed to know he was busy?”

“As long as father’s in his office, we do ****not****  interrupt him.”

Kankuro simply clicked his tongue before hissing in pain upon having the liquid medication applied on his wound. He was still a bit thankful, despite Temari being always nagging and such. Temari was still his big sister- the same big sister that tended on him whenever he coughed or so little sneezed. She was still his big sister.

And he was glad to have at least one family left beside him.

 

 

Gaara was always trained by Baki eversince Yashamaru died. He has always been taught of new techniques, how to be swifter and how to rid one’s life in just a second. At an early age, Gaara has become a perfect killer that could take men twice his size without breaking a sweat.

“You’re improving.” Baki praised him. “Now, I want you to do one thing for today’s lesson.”

“What might that be?” a young Gaara asks.

“You will have to fight me to the death.”

Baki was not a bit surprised when Gaara didn’t react. He simply nods and looks up at him. “Will we use guns or any weapons, or will we just use fists.”

“Fists. However, here is the catch,” Baki smirked. “You cannot hit me. You will have to kill me without touching me.”

Gaara was a bit suspicious, yet Baki was his trainer. His orders are absolute- no questions should be presented. He simply nods and prepares himself for Baki’s attacks.

Being a fully grown adult, Baki easily landed hits on Gaara. Punches on the stomach, kicks on his slender arms, hits on his face. It was easy. Too easy. Gaara can only dodge so he didn’t have to worry about being hit. And the rule stated that they can only use fists, so he didn’t have to worry about Gaara wielding a gun or dagger.

It was ****too easy.****

Baki could kill him here and now.

“You’re still too weak, Gaara.” Baki breathed out in what seems to be a hushed laughter. Gaara was now bruised and blood oozed from a few wounds he had garnered. He was, without a doubt, in complete disadvantage.

“Remember the rules, Gaara.” Baki stated as he raised his fist. “Give everything you have, whether we’re sparring or not.”

Just as he was about to land a final punch on the weak Gaara, he was halted by a strong voice.

It was Kankuro.

“What do you think you’re doing to Gaara?!” Kankuro hissed as he darts towards the red-haired. “Don’t you forget father’s orders. You cannot hurt any of his children!”

“Ah, but Gaara __isn’t__  acknowledged by Rasa as his son.” Baki stated.

“You bastard-!”

A weak attempt for a punch and Baki easily dodged it. Kankuro was never really that of the greatest fighter. “Do not interfere, or I’ll have to hurt you.” Baki warned. “This is my and Gaara’s lesson.”

“And you’re gonna kill him? Don’t fuck with me.” Upon hearing the young one curse, Baki felt something in him snap. His hand was raised and, instinctively, he hit Kankuro’s face. Young and little as he was, Kankuro wobbled away but didn’t let that defeat him.

“I’m warning you, get out of here.”

“Over my fucking dead body, you ass.”

Baki had snapped. He didn’t care about the orders Rasa gave him, he wanted to ****break****  this proud son of the head. Kankuro was too much of a dirty-mouthed boy __(don’t these words seem familiar to you, Baki? I learned them from you.)__  and Baki wanted to make him shut up.

Forever.

“I will fucking end you!” Baki shouted as he raised his fist. Everything seemed to have halted upon seeing a blonde replace where Kankuro originally stood.

It was Temari.

“What do you think you’re doing, Baki?” she hissed, her arms stretched as if protecting her younger brother. “Were you trying to __hurt__  Kankuro?”

“Blame your bastard brother. He’s interrupting my lesson-”

“I don’t think saving Gaara from being beaten into a pulp was an interruption.” Her words were sharp, almost as sharp as Rasa’s. As expected of the future heiress.

Baki cursed under his breath. “Temari, move. Or I will hurt you as well.”

“Try.” Temari challenged. “You wouldn’t hurt the eldest daughter of Rasa, would you? The child who bears the same face of our late mother, the wife of __your__  boss.”

Baki was taken a back. Temari had the upper hand now.

“Go on, beat me. Hurt me, Baki.” she was now smug. Kankuro would be cheering for her so badly if it weren’t for the tense atmosphere. “I mean, what’ll father do to you if he sees me all bruised up and wounded because of his most trusty man? I’m sure he’ll fire you, or worse, ****end you****.” Making the same gesture he did years ago, Temari put her finger up to her temple, representing a gun to the head. Baki knew he was defeated, and to avoid any other conflicts, left the room for the siblings to share.

Her smug expression immediately melted as she faces Kankuro, worry etched on her face. “You idiot, look at what happened to you!” she scolded before averting her eyes to Gaara, still blank and somewhat unresponsive. Gathering all her courage, she leaves Kankuro and heads to their youngest brother. It was no question why Gaara flinched when Temari approached him, it wasn’t very likely for her to do so. “Stay back,” he says. “I’ll kill you.”

“You wouldn’t.” Temari confidently says as she kneels down, her fingers glancing over the bruises and wounds painting his pale skin.

Gaara was taken back. “How can you say so?”

“Simple,” she smiles warmly- a smile Gaara had only seen in pictures of their mother. A smile so identical to hers and their late uncle. “I’m your big sister, that’s why.”

 

 

 

Temari was fourteen, Kankuro was thirteen and Gaara was ten when their father passed away due to some miscalculations in a mission. Shot straight in the heart, Rasa’s dead body was brought back to the house where a funeral was given to him. None of the siblings shed a tear, which made the relatives question why they did so. __(if only they knew the secrets. If only they knew.)__. Baki was their only guardian, and they refused to have any other relatives care for them. After losing both their parents and an uncle, relatives were put into a safe distance.

Baki has gone low with his violence, regretting that he wasn’t able to protect his boss. Now, he vows to guard and protect the children, now orphans.

“He deserved to die.” Kankuro hissed during the funeral. “That bastard of a father did nothing but make our lives a living hell.”

“He’s still our father.” Temari says.

“I wish he never was. He’s a liar, a monster, a killer. He ruined us.”

“Kankuro.”

“I’m glad he’s dead.”

 

 

The fact that they were born in a merciless life like this was enough to drive the three of them to their wits’ end. If not, their emotions and thoughts ate them alive. Fears and traumas from all the events in the past had built up in them, and they had no way to force it out, to rid of it, to ****forget****  them. __(no more, no more, I don’t want to remember anymore__ ).

"Kankuro,” Temari calls out. Dinner was served, and Kankuro has yet to leave his room. The dishes were growing cold and it wasn’t like his younger brother to miss out the last meal of the day. “Kankuro, let’s eat. Don’t keep the food waiting.”

No response. This time, Temari thinks Kankuro might’ve isolated himself in his room, like he always does, to tend on his puppets- one of the ways he coped up with all the trauma and deaths. But still, it was dinner time, and he usually responded.

“Kankuro,” she calls out again. Again, no response. “Dammit Kankuro, dinner’s served. I’m coming in if you don’t open the door.” She knew how Kankuro didn’t like having his room suddenly invaded. It was a way to respect his privacy.

With no response given, Temari twisted the doorknob and a horrible sight unfolded before her.

 _ _(No, not this again__ ).

Kankuro was sitting down, a blade on his left hand and blood dripping profusely on his right. Scratches- no, __cuts__ , were littered on his arm. His face was drenched with tears as he slowly turns around to look at his older sister.

Temari was speechless; Kankuro was speechless.

The two shared a brief moment staring at each other before Temari finally acts. Quickly, she slaps the blade off of her brother’s hand before gripping his collar. “You fuck, what the hell do you think you’re doing?!” she roars, anger boiling in her voice. “Are you really __that__  stupid and weak now, Kankuro?!”

Kankuro wasn’t talking. He was just crying. His arm was bleeding- his room was dark, blood littered the floor. This was a sight she had grown so used to- floor with pools of blood, tears- yet not from her brother.

“Answer me, Kankuro!-”

“I’m sick and tired of this life, Temari! That’s what’s up!”

Temari stopped and loosened her grip, Kankuro slowly sliding down and falling to his knees. His hand gripped his bloody arm as he broke down. “I’m tired of living like this, Temari. Living like a monster and having to kill over and over again. We’ve lost so many important people- we’ve robbed people of so many lives.”

He was now, breaking down. Temari hasn’t seen Kankuro cry this much since he was a baby. Kankuro was always so brave, so __strong__ , he was a man despite his young age. But now, he had reverted into nothing but a helpless child- her helpless little brother. “I can’t do this anymore, Temari. I miss mom, I miss uncle. I want to join them. I failed to fulfill the promises I gave mom years ago, and I’m a failure as a son and as a big brother! I couldn’t even help Gaara, I couldn’t even help __you__. I couldn’t even help myself! It’s best if I just go and die-”

“Shut up.”

Kankuro flinches and was about to shout back at Temari if it weren’t for his older sister silencing him with a tight hug. Temari was crying too, shaking vigorously as she held her brother’s wounded arm.

For once, Kankuro remembers what Temari originally was- a confident, strong and level-headed young girl. A responsible, loving and joyful girl.

 ** **His big sister****. The girl he always looked up to for being so mature. And here was that same girl, hugging her and sobbing. He’s seen Temari cry, but not this much. It was one of the things that made him think Temari was strong- she never cried in front of him. But now, things were different.

“IYou idiot,” she sobs.

“Now what?” Kankuro whined.

“I’m you fucking big sister.” she curses as she tightens her hug. “I’m your big sister for a reason. I’m the person you could talk to about your problems, help you with your problems, and be there for you at situations like this!”

Kankuro stops. “And you had to be a selfish idiot that cuts himself because he couldn’t handle things anymore. Damn you, I’m still here, you know? I’m here and I’ll always be here.”

Tears formed on Kankuro’s eyes as he sobbed along with Temari. Where did they grow so distant that they barely talked about things like this anymore? Where did things go wrong? ( _ _how could I forget that you’re my big sister?__ )

“But I guess, that’s my fault too.” Temari breathed out as she tried to recompose herself. “We were so blinded by things like survival and shit that we forget we’ve distanced ourselves for each other. We- __I__ \- forgot that we are family.”

How could have they forgotten?

“I forgot and disregarded that fact that I was still a big sister to you and Gaara. I’m sorry.”

 _ _(How could have they forgotten?__ )

“So much of a big sister I am, huh?”

****How could have she forgotten?** **

“I’m sorry,” Kankuro softly says, “I should’ve told you sooner. I should’ve shared my problems with you instead of bottling it all up inside. I’m sorry, it shouldn’t have gotten into this. From now on, no more secrets”

Temari sighed softly as her eyes fell on Kankuro’s wrist. There were some fresh cuts, but some were fading marks. She felt all the oxygen in her lungs escape as she realized so. “So, since when were you doing this?”

“Four months ago.”

Temari choked. Four months of suffering for Kankuro, and she was dense about it. “I’m sorry.” she softly says

“Don’t blame yourself. I should’ve… told you sooner.” he softly replies.

And for that brief moment, Temari and Kankuro felt like siblings again- the same siblings who played together, looked out for each other, loved each other _ _.__

__(loved each other)._ _

“Kankuro,” she softly calls out as she holds her brother’s hand. “Promise me something.”

“Damn, I’ve got so many promises I could barely even do them.” Kankuro jokes.

“Just promise me something.”

“... Fine.”

Holding Kankuro’s hand tightly, Temari met Kankuro’s eyes. They were still the same dark brown eyes, and hers were still the same sea-green eyes. “Promise me that when you fall, you’ll let me catch you.”

Kankuro simply smiles for a response and nods, letting his head fall onto her sister’s chest as they hugged for an hour or two.

Dinner was growing cold, but their hearts were warm.

 

 

Temari was fourteen and Kankuro was thirteen when they finally made up and returned to being siblings. Reality presented a harsh world for them, and this time around, they’re going to face it together.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They were on their own now and slowly, the wounds start to heal.

Temari was sixteen, Kankuro was fifteen and Gaara was twelve.

They were growing bit by bit, maturing slowly. Temari has grown into a fine young lady, almost being the split image of their late mother Karura. She had always resembled their mother since her younger days, but now, she looked like her more. Kankuro despised the way he resembled their late father, thus, had adapted wearing face paint and hiding his hair underneath a black head dress. It was a way of hiding the fact that his face was a physical memory of their damned father. Gaara has grown taller and a little less frail-looking. His hair has been always been that shaggy, blood-red colored one, and his eyes with those horrible bags __(sleep was a futile resort to escape the nightmares in the real world when it finds its way even to your dreams)__ and the same lifeless teal eyes.

The three had their own ways of coping eversince their father’s death. Temari had began immersing herself in dancing, and sometimes, she drags Kankuro along. Kankuro had always been a fan of puppets, so puppetry was his safe blanket. Gaara often isolated himself in his room, staring into nothing but the blankness before him, and growing cacti.

 

 

School has become one of the places where the three children of Rasa naturally struck fear. The head principal is a friend of Rasa __(let them fear my children, for they must remember not to mess with them__ ) and had warned every single student not to pull out any tricks when it comes to the three siblings. Some obeyed, some rebelled. Fear was a powerful idea that could make some people cowards and some into fighters.

The school was split into two: those who feared them and those who fought them. Both were not really a bother to them since they easily brought them back to their place. __(i am better than all these garbage, god help them if they try anything dirty__ ).

The three, without a doubt, were fighters, expert in bloodshed and in merciless killings. It wasn’t even impossible that they’d kill any of the students if they dare ridicule them.

They secretly brought weapons for defense, or maybe just for fun, ( _ _young gaara, pointing his gun with a twisted smile to an innocent bystander__ ).

It was without a doubt that the siblings were somewhat disturbed, especially the youngest- Gaara. Having to grow under an abusive father and a heartless trainer, he suffers difficulty in expressing himself, socializing, and even understanding things. One thing he was sure of: he’ll kill to survive.

 

 

“Gaara, drop the gun.”

It was one of those trigger-happy moments of Gaara where he cornered one of the students who ridiculed him. He held a gun loosely, pointing it to the latter who was ridden by fear. This student was pleading him, asking for forgiveness just so he could live.

“Let him go, he’s learned his lesson.” Kankuro states as he stands behind his younger brother. Temari was there too, standing on the other side of Gaara, arms crossed and brows knit. “It’ll just be a waste of bullet, and cleaning him up will be too much of a hassle.”

Gaara simply glared at his older brother, his lifeless teal eyes enough to make the older back off for a while before he grabs the chance to recompose himself. He drops the gun and walks away, leaving the student unharmed yet evidently traumatized.

“That’ll teach you not to mess with us.” Temari laughed, her eyes looking sharper than it naturally is. “Learn your lessons, hun, and don’t talk shit about us again.”

These were normal things the siblings do in school. Students of all year levels wondered how the school was still functioning and how these three were yet to be expelled. Little did they know that the principal couldn’t really do anything. The three could kill him if they so little broke the deal he and their father once had.

They were monsters that even the adults feared and wished never to interact with.

Kankuro and Temari don’t really pull out their weapons- it’s usually their sharp words and fists that does the trick. Kankuro doesn’t hesitate to fight, even if his health is brittle, and Temari doesn’t hesitate to land a kick despite wearing a skirt if a boy so little whistles to her.

For the whole Suna University, they were monsters.

But for the three, they were simply trying to survive the harsh world they were born in.

 

 

“Is Gaara still not home?” Temari asks as she arrives in the living room , Kankuro seated and reading some books.

“Beats me, that kid’s always out late.” Kankuro huffed. “He’ll be fine, Tem, he’s like a bona-fide fighter or somethin’.”

“He’s still our brother.”

Kankuro sighed as he averted his attention back to the books he has left unattended for a few seconds. Temari could only sigh back as she watched an unaffected Kankuro continue reading when the front door clicked open.

It was Gaara.

“You’re late again.” Temari huffed as she walked towards the youngest. “Where have you been this time? I hope you weren’t satisfying that bloodlust of yours or something.”

Gaara didn’t reply, instead, he was wobbling, his eyes droopy and his face paler than it usually is. The blonde didn’t miss to notice this and stepped away.

“Hey Gaara, Temari asked you a question.” Kankuro interrupts, not setting the book aside to confront the younger. “She’s your big sister, answer her when she asks ‘ya something.”

Still no reply.

“Gaara, did you hear what I just-”

“Catch me.”

Kankuro tilted his head by the latter’s sudden words. “What?”

“I’m blacking out.” And just as he says, Gaara falls forward, his bag dropped on the floor. Kankuro acted immediately and had caught the younger before he fell on the floor. Gaara had collapsed, his body falling limp. Temari rushed towards her brothers and worriedly calls to Gaara. Worry washes the two and they immediately began screaming for the maids to assist them. Temari had asked them to get fresh clothes for Gaara while Kankuro instructs another to grab a basin full of clean water, and a towel.

With Gaara set on the couch, Temari starts to feel her brother’s forehead.

Fever.

“He’s sick!” Temari cries as she hurries to find the thermometer, asking the maids to hurry. Kankuro starts to unbutton Gaara’s uniform, tending onto him quickly when he stops.

“Temari,” he calls out. “Gaara’s all bruised up.”

“What?! Let me see!” Panic was laced on her high pitched voice. Her eyes fell on the small bruises littered on Gaara’s side, an evidence that he got into a physical fight. His face was clean, yet his body wasn’t. There were even a few scratches on his arms. “God, what have you been doing, Gaara?”

The siblings acted quick to dress the younger one, and even tend on his fever. Temari has been used to it by now, considering how she always tended on a young, sickly Kankuro whenever he had fevers of his own. Kankuro could only assist his sister and do what she asks for __(dampen the towel, grab a dry towel, get me this medicine and a glass of water__ ).

Gaara, slowly regaining consciousness could only look at his older siblings worriedly tending on him. He was too weak to play stubborn so all he could do was ask, “Why are you doing this?”

“Because you’re our brother.” the two answered in unison before Gaara sighs and falls back to sleep.

 

 

Family was a mere word to him eversince Yashamaru died, or rather, __killed__. He never saw Kankuro and Temari as his siblings since then, rather, just people who aid him in killing and the likes. The two weren’t really close to him neither. He barely knew them aside from the fact that they share the same mother and father, that they were blood related and were, biologically, siblings. Yet the feeling was never there. If it was, he never felt it.

As young as he was, he had threatened to kill Temari and Kankuro if they got in his way. Of course, the olders made sure that the “killing” part would never come true. To die in the hands of your own blood relative was, for his older siblings the worst way to die. __(and yet you killed uncle yashamaru. How could you, gaara. He must’ve died a painful death)__.

Aside from tending to him occasionally at home, the two also aided Gaara when people ridiculed him in school. When a group of rebels try to hurt him, if Gaara needed back-up, Kankuro and Temari would gladly help him.

But not to the point of killing. That was all Gaara.

 

 

Temari was seventeen, Kankuro was sixteen and Gaara was thirteen.

It was one of those days where Gaara had entered a fight with one of the groups of students that despised him. Temari and Kankuro weren’t aware of this, so he was all on his own today.

“You’ll pay for that one time, freak.” one of the students says as he charges him. Gaara hadn’t brought his gun today, so all he could do was fight with his fists. He had the upper hand if it were to be based on fighting alone, but the fact that he was severely outnumbered made him fall into disadvantage. He received a few blows here and there, a few kicks now and then, and punches here and there.

He was starting to get bruised up and his arm has been cut by one of the student’s pocket knife. These opponents were ready, they __knew__  Gaara wasn’t prepared today.

“This is the day this school will rid of you monsters.” one says as he darted towards Gaara. The red hair was already starting to get exhausted and the strength in his legs were gone. He couldn’t stand, he couldn’t run.

He was trapped.

“Get the hell away from my brother!”

That voice was… ****familiar.**** Gaara’s eyes fell to the figure before him, a blonde girl whose hair was styled in that two-paired pig tails way. It was Temari. Her fist has met the guy’s face straight on and was soon sent flying back. Another figure emerged, this time, a man with that weird black head dress- Kankuro.

“You got some guts coming for him the second time.” Temari laughed. “Maybe we should’ve killed you back when we had the chance.”

Seeing the three siblings like this struck fear to the students. Their pocket knives and fists were useless when the three were present like this. Temari had laid her eyes on the bruised Gaara before she shoots a look at Kankuro.

“Since we’re in a good mood today, I’ll give you one choice.” Kankuro smirked as he pulls out a gun, pointing it to the students. “Within ten seconds, I want all of you to clear this school. You will not tell your families about this if you do not want them to get involved. All of you will no longer study in this school starting tomorrow.”

The atmosphere grew tense.

“But, again, that’s a choice. If y’all wanna die tomorrow, come to school. I’ll gladly blow your heads off.” Kankuro says in a weird joyful tone. “Deal?”

As he begins to count, the students evacuate the floor, rushing to get out of the school. His gun was still pointed at them until they vanished. He sighs and turns around to Gaara. What the red hair expected to hear was nags, but instead, it was a soft, almost hushed question.

“You okay, Gaara?”

His teal eyes looked at them, almost in disbelief, before he tries to get up. His feet were still wobbly but he grabs every bit of his strength to start walking. “You don’t have to force yourself to walk.” he hears Temari say. His siblings were looking at him worriedly, and it only confused him more.

“Why did you do that?”

“Do what?”

“Protect me.”

Temari and Kankuro exchanged looks before smiling at each other, then at Gaara. “We’re your siblings.”

Siblings. There’s that cursed word again.

“I don’t understand.” Gaara softly says, his voice weak. His eyes were glued at his siblings, confusion and irritation reflected from his face. He couldn’t digest their reason, their __perspective__. It was… odd.

“You two keep on protecting a monster like me. I ****threatened****  to kill you and even attempted to do so.” Gaara recalls trying to poison Kankuro one time just because he scolded him for not keeping his room tidy. He once tried to choke Temari in her sleep because she kept reminding him of their late mother. The mother ****he****  killed as a baby. “I don’t understand why you keep doing that. Monsters don’t have families, monsters don’t __have__  siblings. Monsters fight to survive, and will eradicate the so called ‘families’ just to live another day.”

“That’s just it.” Temari says. “That’s what a monster does, but Gaara, you’re not a monster.We love you.”

****(You’re not a monster, Gaara. We love you)** **

Gaara felt all the air in him has been sucked out before he lashes out. “Do you see this thing etched on my forehead?!” he shouts, pointing at the character on his head, the one etched by his own father when Gaara “killed” Yashamaru. “Love. This is one thing that I cannot achieve! Never in a million- even billions, of years! Just like my name, I’m a self-loving demon. All I care is myself!”

 _ _(All I care is my survival and my well-being.__ )

“Love is a mere word to me! It’s a word that will only bring pain and will forever be unreachable for me!” Gaara was breaking down at this point, his panic attacks starting to form and his episodes beginning to explode. “So how could you say that a monster like me is loved? By the two of you?”

Temari walked closer to Gaara, only to be screamed violently at by the red haired. “Don’t come near me!” he warns, but Temari ignores it. Her hands reached out to Gaara, and for the younger, it was like a gun pointed at him. He desperately tried to swat it away.

But it was all too late.

Temari, instead of raising a hand on him or shouting at him, had pulled Gaara into a hug. She was shaking, ****sobbing****. Her hug was tight and warm, something Gaara grew to not know. It felt… comforting yet odd. “Because we’re your siblings. You were never a monster, Gaara.”

Everything just stops. It was like the whole world stopped upon those few words. “You being a monster was nothing but a big lie father came up with out of anger. Because he thinks mom died when she gave birth to you. Because he thinks you robbed mom of her life.”

 _ _(but wasn’t that the truth? Didn’t I rob her of her life?__ )

“You know, mom really, really loved you.” Temari says as she continues to speak in between tears. It was just like that one time with Kankuro cutting himself. She was shaking and sobbing uncontrollably. “Before you were born, she sang songs to you and talked to you all day long. Me and Kankuro did that too. She even told us to protect you and love you for her once you were born.”

__(but mother never loved me. I killed her.)_ _

“Even during her last moments, she loved you. She gave her last breath to be your first.” Temari sobbed. “She really loved you eversince, so you always had ‘love’ before you were born. You already had it before father said that you couldn’t reach it. It’s been with you before you were born.”

“ ** **You already have mom’s love before you were born.**** ”

As Temari tore herself away from her younger brother, Kankuro steps in, a warm smile patched on his paint-tainted face. “And you also have our love. Monster or not, we’ll still love you. That’s what family is for. You’re our little brother, ‘kay? So don’t ever question how we love you, because we just do.”

__(why?)_ _

“Why?” Gaara choked as his vision starts to blur. Was it tears? He hasn’t cried for a long time, and his siblings never really saw him crying. He could still see Temari’s crying face and Kankuro’s teary brown eyes. His cheeks felt warm and his eyes felt heavy. “Why do you do? Why do you love me? How could you love me? I killed mother, I killed Yashamaru, I __nearly__  killed you two. How? How could you love me?”

Temari and Kankuro simply smiled. “Because you’re our brother, Gaara.”

And that’s where something inside Gaara snapped. Tears flooded down his eyes and he started to sob uncontrollably. He soon breaks down into a crying mess, his head hung low and his eyes desperately trying to wipe away the tears falling. Temari could only cry along with Gaara, realizing that her brother finally got a grip of his emotions.

He was finally crying. All the hate, all the grudges, all the pain- they were flowing out of him at long last. He’s finally stopped bottling it inside.

Kankuro was crying too, and the paint littering his face began to smudge. The two soon reached for Gaara and pulled him in for a tight, sibling hug. This was what family was like; this was what family was supposed to be like.

“I’m sorry,” Gaara sobbed as his small hands finally reached to grip onto Temari and Kankuro’s back. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” he chanted, only making the two hug him tighter.

“Don’t worry about it.” Kankuro shakily breathed out. Temari kissed Gaara’s head and rubbed comforting circles behind her younger brother’s back. The three were finally okay, they were going to be okay. Through the tears they shared that afternoon in the school, they knew they were finally going to be okay.

 

 

 

Temari was twenty, Kankuro was nineteen and Gaara was sixteen. It’s been four years since they moved out of the damned house of fears and horrible memories to a simple, two-story house they’ve bought. Using the money left to them by their parents, the siblings have decided to start all over again, this time, with just the three of them. They’ve left the house to Baki, who promised to make the family business right and to eradicate all the likes of heartless killings they’ve done in the past. This time, Baki would be reviving the business company Rasa and Karura had left until the three are ready to inherit it.

Temari was in college now, taking Law to become a successful lawyer someday. __(the company needs a lawyer if ever, right?)__  while Kankuro and Gaara were still in Highschool. Gaara has been excelled a year when he was fourteen, and that was one of the things the two older siblings were so proud of. Their little brother, excelling greatly in academics.

It isn’t something to deny that they were still haunted by the past every now and then, especially Gaara who suffered the worst among the three of them, but they’ve been coping well. The three are always there for each other, watching out for one another and bonding everyday to strengthen their sibling bonds.

Gaara had grown very close to his siblings too. Temari and Kankuro had never failed to be closer to their youngest brother with each day passing. They even help him to cope with his past traumas, panic attacks and other episodes.

And the three couldn’t be any happier.

 

 

“Do you think mom’s watching us up there?” Kankuro asks out of the blue as he leans on Temari’s back. Gaara and Temari’s eyes flew at him upon hearing the question.

“What makes you think of that?” Temari asks, her hand patting Gaara’s head, placed on her lap.

“Just a random thought.”

“Well, I guess. She did say that she’ll always watch us.”

“She did?” Gaara asks.

“Yeah. When you were still in mom’s womb, she always told us that she’ll watch over us no matter what.” Temari says, a grin on her face.

“That’s nice.” Gaara smiles back as he looks up at the ceiling. “Do you think mother is happy with how we three are?”

The two looked at each other before looking at Gaara.

“Yeah,” Temari nods. “I’m sure she is. She always wished that the three of us grow close.”

“And are we close now?”

“Closer than ever.” Kankuro smiles.

"How could you say so?" Gaara asks.

"Because we're siblings."

Gaara simply giggles and nods, not arguing with his older brother's statement.

 

 

Temari was twenty, Kankuro was nineteen and Gaara was sixteen. They were still healing but they know that they’re going to be okay.

They will be, because they now have each other and the words that they can never forget.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> finished it in one day because i had to let out all this angst ;w;   
> This is a little background to how the Sand Sibs grew in the Modern School AU


End file.
